The Marriage TEAM

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received came back to me again this past weekend. I was hanging out with some friends and had the opportunity to share it with them. I believe I got this particular piece of advice from Paul David Tripp in his book “War on Words.” EVERY married person should read that book, it has been tremendously helpful to me.

Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

The piece of advice stems from this Scripture. The advice is - REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ON THE SAME TEAM. Keeping this in mind changes everything in your marriage.

You’re sitting around and stewing about how you’ve been doing all the household chores and your spouse hasn’t thanked you or offered to chip in. You go over and over the list of things you’ve done, and the opportunities they’ve had to do something, and instead just kicked up their feet. You begin viewing the situation as unfair - I’m doing more than he/she is! Then you remember - we’re on the same team. Everything I’ve done, WE have accomplished. All those chores were done for US, not just me. And if you still feel it necessary to engage your spouse in a conversation about that, remember that you need to phrase things as we, not me or you.

Another example - one that I’ve struggled with recently - disciplining your children. You think it should be done a different way than your spouse. Immediately you begin to think in terms of, well I would, and but she always. You are letting your frustration divide the team. Saying “You” and “I” puts you on separate teams, and God clearly has not designed a married couple as two teams, but one - one flesh even. You’re a unified front, one unit - a team. It’s very difficult at first, but strive to use words and phrases that (even though you may be disagreeing) keep you on the same team as your spouse. This has an incredibly unifying and cooperative feel compared with the vs. mode that most couples argue in.

In every circumstance with your spouse, remember that you are on the same team. Shape your words and your heart around that concept, and you’ll be amazed at the transformation that will occur between the two of you when you disagree. I don’t always get this right, but when I do, it’s SO much better.