No Church in the Wild

I’ve been listening to the Jay-Z song “No Church in the Wild” lately, and it’s really drawn me in and made me consider what he’s saying in the lyrics. (**Warning: this song contains explicit lyrics**)

I was vastly helped in my thought process by the website rapgenius.com, which aims at critiquing rap as poetry, and explaining thousands of canonical rap songs. The explanations come from the crowd basically, with multiple people signing on and contributing to the meaning, forming in its own words a “hip-hop Wikipedia.”

The title was the first thing that drew me in, “No Church in the Wild.” I was curious as to what that was intended to mean. As far as the tune and the flow, I love the sound of the song, which is another reason why I keep listening to it. It starts off with a set of comparisons:

Human beings in a mob
What’s a mob to a king?
What’s a king to a God?
What’s a God to a non-believer who don’t believe in anything?

From rapgenius.com:
The critics say that the comparison hinges around all of the things discussed losing significance compared to the next thing.
A mob vs. A king (no competition, the king has power over his subjects)
A king vs. A God (no competition, most kings rule by divine right, which supports the argument that God is more powerful than a king)
A God vs. A non-believer (no competition? By not believing, the non-believer has arguably trounced God as his/her life is in no way governed by religion or God’s laws, etc. To the non-believer, God doesn’t even exist, and so has no power over them)

My take:
This is a very interesting comparison, but I would disagree that just because someone doesn’t believe in something they are entirely free from that thing’s influence. Whether or not you believe in God, IF God actually exists, then He certainly has an influence in your life whether you acknowledge it or not. So, I wouldn’t say that a non-believer has more power than God, because the non-believer’s “power” hinges on whether or not they have the right answer.

Will he make it out alive? Alright, alright, no church in the wild.

From rapgenuis.com:
A non-believer has a fight on their hands, as there is nothing to “save” you in the wild.

My take:
Good point. But what the critic subtly hints at is that church is only there to “save” you from the wild. This shows a traditional (and I would say incomplete) view of what the Church and God actually are and how they function in the world. It IS more difficult for non-believers I think because they struggle to find meaning and purpose in their lives, because of a lack of knowing God. God doesn’t save us from the wild, but provides meaning to the wild we find ourselves in, and we struggle well in relationship to Him.

Tears on the mausoleum floor, blood stains on the Colosseum doors.
Lies on the lips of a priest, Thanksgiving disguised as a feast.

From rapgenius.com:
The first four lines show imperfections and flaws with things that are supposed to be pure, holy, and true. The first two lines also create a juxtaposition between a King’s death and the death of those beneath him. The contrast between shedding tears and blood (depending on the death) is particularly poetic. The clergy assisted colonists in cheating and killing Native Americans, yet Thanksgiving is meant to celebrate it as a feast of cooperation.

My take:
I think the first point, about showing the flaws in things that are supposed to be pure and true is quite poignant. There has been MANY things in the history of Christianity that have involved lying, cheating, killing, and all types of impure and detestable behavior. This illustrates the fullness of the human condition - even among people who claim to be pure, impurity is surely found. I think this is still a huge problem today, many Christians trying to pull off a facade of perfection - why? It always disappoints and always does more harm than good. The cross and grace provide for us to be real in our imperfections.

I’m going to skip ahead a bit here to another lyric that stood out to me…

Is Pious pious cause God loves pious?
Socrates asked whose bias do y’all seek?

From rapgenius.com:
This references Plato’s Euthyphro, in which Socrates asked Euthyphro, “Is the pious loved by the gods because it is pious, or is it pious because it is loved by the gods?” Is a “good” deed pious when it’s being performed by someone who “feels” they should do that deed? Or, is the same “good” deed pious when someone with intentions of receiving something from doing that deed? They’re both doing “good” and helping a person, right?

My take:
This is a question that is still debated today. People struggle with the tension between our deeds being good because they are innately good, or are we just trying to please God and/or feel good about ourselves? And are any of those things bad if they’re not mutually exclusive? Intriguing question. I don’t think something is good, or pious, merely because God loves it. It’s a subtle difference, but God created everything and He designated it all as “good.” Therefore, everything is good because it came from God, who IS good. God is also love, and so loves all He created. I think there are people who try to get on God’s good side by doing “good deeds.” Those people are chasing after chaff - God doesn’t love based on what people do, contrary to popular belief. And I think that’s one of the misses with this question that Jay asks - it’s not about piety.

Jesus was a carpenter, Yeezy he laid beats
Hova flow the Holy Ghost, get the hell up our your seats, preach

From rapgenius.com:
Hov sets up himself, Kanye, and Jesus as a new version of the Trinity. Also, just as Jesus needed the Holy Spirit to descend in order to begin his ministry, Kanye needed Jay for him to begin his rap career - Jay is to Kanye what the Holy Spirit was to Jesus. Jay may also be ridiculing the idea of the Trinity, saying that we are all our own Gods. “Get the hell up our your seats” could be heard as a call to wake up from the prison of dogma. The use of the word “hell” here is canny, since the fear of Hell is what is keeping people imprisoned in the first place.

My take:
I think the critic on rapgenius looked a bit too far into this one. I do see the comparison of the Holy Spirit and Jesus to Jay-Z and Kanye, I get that. But ridiculing the idea of the Trinity? I don’t see that in these particular lyrics. And setting himself, Kanye, and Jesus up as a Trinity? I don’t see that either. He compares Jesus to Yeezy, and Hova to the Holy Ghost - by my count that’s only 2. Anytime someone says “could” - I take that as more a personal opinion than good information, so as a call to wake up from the prison of dogma, again I feel is a bit of a reach for what I see in the lyrics. However, the point about the use of the word “hell” is interesting. The fear of Hell is what keeps people imprisoned - I agree. Many Christians spend their lives more afraid of slipping up and being sent to Hell than they do living the full life Jesus promised is available to us. They are imprisoned by fear, rather than set free from it. Telling people they are going to Hell is NOT good evangelism, and it’s not the Gospel.

The last half of the song goes into a discourse on open relationships and sex, which I was less interested in than the first half of the song. If you want to explore the meanings behind that part of the song, feel free to check out rapgenius.com for insights. But the last two lines are worth mentioning.

When we die the money we can’t keep
But we probably spend it all cause the pain ain’t cheap, preach

The rapgenius.com take didn’t have much to say about these last two lines, so here’s my take. It’s a great reminder that all that we strive for in this life - money, material possessions, etc. - all of that goes away the second we die. It’s meaningless in death. But they spend it all trying to deal with the pain of life while they’re alive. Drugs, expensive food and cars, women, etc. - all things people spend money on trying to obtain happiness. But all those things are temporary and none of them provide lasting change. The pain still exists when those things are used up. And none of them translate into the afterlife. I thought it was an interesting open and honest statement about how people, even celebrities, deal with life through the use of money. But the point isn’t just to get through life to death. The point is to have a better life, and a life that extends even beyond death. And that is obtained only through truly knowing God.

Studying “No Church in the Wild” has given me some interesting insights into the ways some folks view religion and God, and has helped me to better examine my own views. Also goes to show how much thought and heart Jay-Z and other rappers put into each song, and how they explore what they’re dealing with in life. It might be hard to find a Church in the Wild, but God is always there in the Wild. Don’t put your faith in people, because people will let you down, instead, put your faith in God who will never let you down.

Preach.

The Dilemma of the Missing Father

I’ve been reading a book that’s teaching me about writing. One of the big lessons I learned was that in every story, there are problems that carry the story forward, but those are mainly on the surface. Deep below are the dilemmas, things that aren’t actually discussed, but that show that there are more serious things going on that are deeper, and that can’t really be solved in an episode - things that are more universal and underlying in everyone’s lives.

Now that I’ve learned this, I am beginning to see below the surface in TV shows, movies, and books that I read. I am learning to see the dilemmas that underlie the problems up on the surface. An example. One of my son’s favorite shows is “Fireman Sam,” a Welsh animated show about fire safety. Now that I’ve watched a few hundred episodes, something has become obvious to me. There is a character named Norman Price, and he’s often referred to as a menace and trouble-maker. And in almost every episode, he definitely is the cause of most of the trouble. But what I’ve noticed is how often he’s asking one of the men in the show to spend time with him. He wants one guy to teach him to build a model rocket, another to teach him to sail, another to teach him how to build paper airplanes, etc. And, as you might have guessed, Norman doesn’t have a father in the show. On the surface, Norman flies a paper airplane onto a hot stove, it catches fire and he gets in trouble. But the dilemma in that show (further below the surface) was that Norman was trying to get an adult man to spend time with him and he was trying to gain their approval and got into trouble in the process. And someone ended up spending time with him at the end of the episode, and the paper airplane playing went well then.

It seemed obvious to me that the show was not only making a point about fire safety, but also about the need boys have for a father figure in their lives. And numerous studies and statistics exist that point to a direct correlation between boys who have no father around and the trouble that they get into. I don’t mean that in a generic sense, that fatherless boys are always trouble - but I mean they have a much more difficult time as children, and even later as adults, because of not having a functional and loving father around.

I spent a year a while back as a Behavioral Support Specialist, during which I mentored two boys, one age 6, and one age 13. The 6 year old got into trouble at school almost daily - foul language, fighting, not obeying rules, and also had more serious problems at home that included setting things on fire and hurting himself. The 13 year old did okay in school but was very closed off from most people, didn’t do most of what he was asked to do around home, and wanted to spend every waking hour playing video games. Both of these boys had serious issues going on, and neither of them had a father figure around. One’s was in jail, and when he wasn’t, he avoided his son. The other had likely never met his and was in foster care, with no male adult in the house. My time with them was mainly spent doing things a father would have done with them. We’d go to the river to fish and skip rocks, we’d throw a football, I’d check up on their schoolwork and social life, etc. I’d mainly show interest in what they were interested in, and spend time with them, encouraging them, and modeling what a functional adult man was like. And we also talked about some of the hard things too, about people they know going to jail, about kids at school saying mean things, about things that made them upset. It was amazing to see how quickly both of them turned things around. But I don’t think I provided a special service; it was more like just inserting a father-figure into their lives. There was a gap that needed to be filled. The saddest part of that program (that I wasn’t aware of when I started) was that once the kids had turned their behavior around and were doing well, the therapist (me) was pulled of the case. The counseling center failed to see that this wasn’t about getting the kid set straight and then he’s fine - it was about having a father figure around and filling a huge gap in their lives. I don’t know how either of them are doing now, but I would imagine they’ve both still had difficult times because neither of them have fathers in their lives still.

That was one of the best experiences for me to have prior to becoming a father. I take my role as a father very seriously - not just to be around, but to teach my kids, show interest in what they’re interested in, play with them, love on them, encourage them. I’ve seen families where there is a father around and the kids still have problems - because the father isn’t PRESENT with the kids. He’s in the house, but he’s not interested in them. He helps out, but only as little as he can get by with, and he shows his annoyance while doing it. Many dads assume it’s the mother’s role to raise the kids, but that’s 50% wrong. It’s the job of BOTH parents to raise the kids. Each parent gives the kids things that are vital to their healthy maturity and development. Fathers who are there, but who don’t proactively take part in raising their kids almost do as much damage as the fathers who aren’t even there. As fathers, we must take an active, loving role in the lives of our children. I quote this often, but it rings so true:

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

- Frederick Douglass

I would imagine this almost directly applies the same way to girls as it does to boys, although most of what I’ve talked about today has revolved around boys. I have a newborn baby girl, and I plan on doing as much in her life as I have with my son.

Donald Miller has a great organization that he’s a part of that deals with the problem of children who don’t have fathers around: The Mentoring Project.

How to Overcome Immorality

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for the Lord’s people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person - such a person is an idolater - has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” Ephesians 5:3-5

Newt the Catholic

I was listening to NPR this morning and heard a piece about Newt Gingrich’s “conversion” to Catholicism. I had some issues with this story, but maybe I’m off here. Here’s what I heard.

His wife has sung for many years in the choir of the largest Catholic church in Washington, D.C. Newt was previously a Baptist. He mentioned himself that he had gone to listen to her sing many times. They talked about how Catholicism has a deep history of philosophical tradition that appeals to Gingrich’s PhD intellect. He says the thing that sealed the deal for him was meeting the Pope in 2008 and finding him to be very radiant and joyful. So he “converted” in 2009 and talked about how he really knows he is going to be a better man now that he’s converted to Catholicism. Near the end of the piece the announcer said that his conversion to Catholicism has been playing well among Evangelicals because they like that he’s now softer on certain issues.

Here are some of the issues I have with this whole idea. First, why is it national news that someone decides to switch churches? And that is my second big issue - the fact that this wasn’t really a “conversion” as most people would understand it, say from Judaism to Buddhism. That would be a conversion. Christianity to Islam - that’s a conversion. Switching from Lutheran to Mennonite - not a conversion. You’re still a CHRISTIAN. They’re putting way too much emphasis on the denomination, which robs Christ of the emphasis that is rightly his.

Gingrich said that he knows he’ll be a “better man now.” I have a big problem with this too. And this is nothing against Catholics at all - I know plenty of Catholics who are better people than I am. This isn’t about that. Saying that you think you’ll be a better man now means that you are tying the change in you to the change in what church you go to - which kind of robs Jesus of His claim that He is the change agent in a person. Most people say they know they’ll be a better person now once they become a Christian. And regardless of what church you go to, what hymns you sing, or how the pew under you feels - God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and your faith - those are constants, and THOSE are what matter to your character, words, and life.

I would personally be comfortable in any church, Catholic or otherwise. In fact, I was raised in the Church of the Brethren, attended a Southern Baptist church for 10 years, worked at a Lutheran church camp full time for 2 years, have several good friends who are Catholic. I currently live in a region very heavily influenced by Mennonites and know many.  I would literally be fine going to church the rest of my life in any of those formats because I know that the most important thing about them - the thing that unites me with them is our belief in Jesus and our relationship to Him. And I could do that without having to say I “converted.” I would still be a Christian - so it’s not really a “conversion.”

And the whole, the pope was awesome so I joined his side thing is sketchy too. No offense to the pope at all - I’m sure he is radiantly joyful and an awesome guy. I’d love to meet him someday. But just because you really like someone who’s a Catholic doesn’t mean you have to become a Catholic. That’s relying more on someone else’s faith than your own. Hey, it’s working for that guy - I’ll join! What if he had met Gandhi?

Now, really - whatever Newt Gingrich does is his business and it won’t make me lose a wink of sleep. But the fact that this was made national news and they made such a big deal about it and kept saying “conversion” kind of got to me.

What I feel is the more likely back-story is that he went to the same place time after time to hear his wife sing, and got very comfortable there. Then he met the most important man of their tradition and liked him. And I’m sure he had a bunch of good conversations with the Catholics he encountered, and they told him how much they like him. Then he runs it by the staff, they say it might just gain him some street cred, so he “converts.” And now he claims he’s a better man, and of course evangelicals like him because they think he now agrees with them on more issues. It feels like there could very well have been some politics wrapped up in this decision. And furthermore - why publicize it? Why a news article on national radio about the fact that he switched unless they wanted it known?

I guess I have a tendency to dislike most of the ways that Christianity is dragged into politics in general, and to hear this today just… I had to get it off my chest.

Christmas Bread

Every year in November my wife bakes about 60 loaves of cinnamon bread and gift-wraps it, and stores it in our freezer until the week before Christmas. Then we give it to everyone we know as Christmas gifts - our coworkers, family, friends, and neighbors.

The neighborhood I live in is an interesting dynamic. We live in a cul-de-sac, and all of the houses look like townhouses in their shape, but are duplexes in that they are positioned in joined pairs around the circle. A majority of the houses are occupied by people who rent, which often equates to regular turnover in the population. We’ve lived there for 6 years now, and I think there are only 2 families who have been there longer than us, out of 8 houses. And there have been some people who have lived around us who live very differently than we do.

We’ve seen fights out in the street, heard lots of yelling from inside houses, had our gas siphoned, had to call the cops more than once, endured loud music late at night, and many other things that have made life interesting. Only in recent years have I changed my perspective on how I should interact with some of my neighbors. Previously I had taken the standard avoidance technique, just staying in my house and avoiding eye contact.

But with a maturing faith, God has worked in me to help me be more open and accepting of people, especially my neighbors, no matter what their situation. There have been Sundays in the past when I spent my morning sitting on a stoop talking with a couple of guys about cars that have been more meaningful to me than some of my Sundays spent in a church service. And I have realized that avoidance is actually a terrible technique for dealing with neighbors - especially ones that you have some fear about at times.

I enjoyed getting to know some of the guys across the way this past summer and we would have whole-neighborhood cookouts in the evenings that were great. Some of those guys moved out this fall though and the houses sat empty for a while. A few months ago, one family moved in, and I hadn’t really talked with them much yet - just waved a few times. And another family moved in a few weeks ago, but I’ve hardly ever seen them outside yet.

Anyway, back to Christmas bread. We tend to fear the unknown and avoidance is a natural tendency. But my wife makes bread for every house in the neighborhood. So, I was tasked to deliver the bread last night. I at first thought about sneaking out and quietly leaving it by their doors - but abandoned those ideas as weak. I resolved myself to talk to everyone face to face. Everyone I visited last night not only greeted me with a smile, but some even had food or gifts for us. And once I had finished my rounds, I saw a woman sending her daughter out to deliver cookies around.

I made sure to take my time and have a real conversation, and if someone didn’t know my name I introduced myself and shook their hand. There was one family not home, the one I haven’t seen yet - but we left our names and address on the card with the bread. So, yet I left it, but we weren’t avoiding them. They just weren’t home. We left our names. I had a really great conversation (actually the longest conversation I had last night) with one woman who I know struggles more than some of the others.

As I walked back to my house, I could have kicked myself for feeling an hour ago that I wanted to avoid all that I had just experienced and how stupid that was, and how much I would have missed out on - especially with just keeping up good relations with the people I live close to.

I’m reading “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller right now, and one of the things he talks about in that book is that we are all created to live a good story, but that there is a force out there that fights against that. Satan doesn’t want us to live a good story - he wants to steal it from us. That almost happened to me last night, but thankfully it didn’t.

Don’t let fear rob you of a better life story. Don’t avoid; engage.

Good Parenting is Painful

I absolutely love the age my son is at right now (though I have loved all his ages). He’s 3 1/2 and is so much fun to play with. Within the last week, for some reason, I’ve seen a drastic increase in his tendency to hit. This has been a subject we’ve discussed with him ever since he could swing his arm, and it’s not been a problem until now.

Over the weekend, I spent a lot of time with him and when he and I were playing, he would often resort to hitting me, usually several times after I stopped playing and was looking at him. And when he didn’t get it, I would remind him that we don’t hit. Eventually I began asking him what he’d just done - trying to get him to begin seeing it. He would say “hit you” and I’d say, “and do we do that?” “No” was his reply. But 20 minutes later…

By Monday evening, I felt I had talked it up enough that he knew this was an issue and we’d given him opportunities to get it under control himself. So, as we were playing Monday evening, and he hit me, I stopped him and said, “We don’t hit, and although I don’t want to do this, if you hit me again, you will need to sit in timeout.” He said okay.

Ten minutes later, it was clear that it wasn’t incidental. Now, keep in mind that he’s not punching me, and he’s not being angry or upset - this is just a kid playing rough, and that makes it harder. I said, “Buddy, what did I say would happen if you hit again?” He began getting upset. “It was an accident” was his excuse. I said, “I know it was an accident, but it still happened. And you’re having a hard time remembering not to do this, and you need to sit in timeout for one minute to help you remember not to do it in the future.”

As he protested, I felt my resolve giving way a bit, because I really don’t like disciplining my son. But I knew that if we didn’t get on top of this, eventually it would happen at school, and then it would be harder to address. So I said, “It’s only one minute - just a short timeout to help you remember.” He asked if he could do timeout on the couch, and I said that was fine. My wife was in the room too, letting me handle it. He sat up there and in my head I began doing a rough count to 60.

I could see the instant he began feeling really bad about what he’d done. His eyes got watery, and I began to count faster to myself. His lip started quavering, and so did my heart. I was pretty sure it had only been 20 seconds, but it was probably long enough. Then he began to really cry. I held out my arms and he came to me and cried on my shoulder for a few minutes. I told him that I didn’t like putting him in timeout, and that I was sorry that he was upset. I hoped out loud that it would help him remember next time because this was important to us.

A minute later he was back to himself, and we didn’t have any problems with hitting the rest of the evening. I hated doing that because I know he wasn’t being mean - he was just totally engrossed in playing. But it was necessary and as we’ve seen in the past with our son, you usually need to really get his attention once and he begins remembering a lot better what is expected of him.

Sometimes parents avoid disciplining their children because they hate that feeling you get when they’re crying and upset because they got in trouble. But we have to find a way to deal with that and do the right thing. Not addressing it now, regularly, until it’s no longer a problem could lead us to bigger problems later. And as we saw, he wasn’t upset with us or resentful for the discipline - he was sad that he was “in trouble.” And that’s a good thing too, that the child feels bad when they’ve done wrong.

I’ve heard of this going to extremes the other direction too, and I’m certainly not an advocate of not letting kids mess up and figure things out on their own at times. But when discipline is appropriate, sometimes you know what you have to do, and you know it’s going to be painful. But poor parenting is more painful.

One of my favorite quotes on parenting is from Frederick Douglass:

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

One Last Tebow Time…

I know I’ve talked a lot about him over the last week or so, so I promise this is the last thing (for now) that I have to say. But it’s bothering me enough that I wanted to dedicate an entire post to it.

I’ve said before that I listen to a decent amount of sports talk radio. Last week I heard several other NFL players commenting that they were a little disgusted by how much face time Tebow has been getting on ESPN, compared to other people who have done more impressive things. I even heard an ESPN commentator say that he also was disgusted by how much attention was being given, and agreed that it was really too much. And I also agree that, objectively speaking, what he is doing as an NFL player does not warrant the amount of time he’s been receiving on sports news. However, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been that way.

That’s thing one, after I talk about thing two, I’m going to put them together. Thing two is the fact that I’ve heard SO many people, in real life and on the radio, taking sides over Tebow. Nobody has said “You know, I just don’t really care” or “He’s okay” or “Good for him.” Everybody has an opinion, or more specifically a side. They are either FOR or AGAINST Tim Tebow. And last time I checked, it wasn’t mandatory that you pick a side. But everybody has. Either people say, I really like Tim Tebow and what he’s doing on and off the field, I love it that he’s winning; or they say, I’m not a Tebow fan, I hope he loses.

Now, putting the two together. I believe that this whole Tebow media frenzy and everyone having an opinion is about more than football. It’s about Christianity. In fact, it’s more about Christianity than it is about football. If he was not a devout Christian, wearing it on his sleeve, but instead just a regular Joe like most of the rest of the players, I guarantee his TV time would be at least cut in half, and people in Denver would be the majority talking about him and most everyone else could care less (other than us Fantasy Football people who care about every player).

Here’s why I think that. Almost everyone I’ve heard who says “I’m not a Tebow fan” is a non-Christian. And the Christians love this guy, they think he’s the new banner boy for the faith. In fact, as I’ve stated before, a lot of Christians are tying his success to his faith - meaning he’s winning because he’s a Christian. OK, now that he lost to the Patriots, what does that mean?

When I hear somebody say “You know, I’m just not a Tebow fan” I have to wonder what they are basing that on. How can you like football and not be a Tebow fan (aside from being division rivals’ fans of the Broncos)? He’s revitalizing the QB position, playing in an exciting way, winning, and he’s a GOOD guy - he encourages his team and compliments his opponents. What’s not to like? I mean, I know a lot of people dislike certain other QBs because they’re cocky, or because they are jerks off the field, etc. And I’m not saying you have to “love” Tebow, but to not be a fan seems beyond just being indifferent - you feel it necessary to say you’re NOT on his side.

And I think this is about Christianity. People are afraid to associate themselves with Tebow if they don’t want to be associated with Christianity. And people who associate themselves with Christianity feel it necessary to associate with Tebow. Both of these perspectives are unnecessary and shallow in my opinion. Any Christian who likes people because they are Christians and want to be associated with them because of that - they’re drawing a line whether they mean to or not. And that line says something. It says, on the contrary, I don’t want to be associated with people who aren’t Christians. And that it the exact opposite of how Jesus lived his life.

And the non-Christians who are afraid to be associated with him, it’s sad to me that they are insecure about what they believe to that degree. I guess without God in the picture, you have to get your identity from somewhere else, ie. people, and so the most important thing to you is what others think of you. So then you have to work extra hard to preserve your identity. As a Christian, I personally wouldn’t think anything different about an atheist who liked Tebow because of what he’s accomplishing in the NFL, and despite the fact that he’s also a Christian. In fact, I would applaud them for having a higher ability to reason logically and have an open mind.

It really gets me that there’s still such an “us vs. them” mentality on both sides. I dislike it, it saddens me, and I will continue pointing it out. Because Jesus was against division, and segregation of religious and non-religious. He was bigger than that.

I think Tebow is getting so much air time and so much conversation because Christianity is a highly polarizing subject, and he is very closely associated with this, and he’s famous. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the producers of ESPN are making their decisions consciously aware of this. I think they just know that he’s a hot topic right now and they are going to play to the ratings. But what people say about him is more telling. People who don’t like him or who aren’t a fan - really never state a reason, they “just aren’t” they say. And Christians love it too because they feel like him winning equals Christianity somehow “winning.”

I like Tim Tebow as an NFL quarterback because he plays the game in a unique way and has a bulldog, winning attitude. I love that. I like him just like I like Drew Brees for how hard he works and the fact that he’s first in last out every day, and he’s good guy on and off the field.

The only reason I am glad that Tim Tebow is a Christian is that I know he’s tapped in to a better story, a better life, and I wish that for everyone. I’m glad he’s found the same thing I have.

I wish Christianity and this whole association thing wasn’t as polarizing as it is, but I guess that’s just reality. My hope is that eventually people will grow beyond the shallow reactions of simply “for” or “against” with Tebow. We need more mutual understanding in the world, especially between Christians and non-Christians. We ought to be just as “For” non-Christians as we are for Christians.

I think I’ve officially talked way too much about this now, so I’m done.

P.S. - I do acknowledge that some of the news about Tebow is actually football related, and not simply because of his religion.

Why Get Married?

A somewhat shocking statistic I ran across this week is that currently in the U.S., only 51% of adults are married. And that number is dropping and soon married people will be a minority in this country. (not a minority in a discrimination sense - just a less of us than them sense). Does this matter?

Yes.

It matters because a lessening number of people being married means that our cultural perspective on marriage is changing - it’s no longer necessary in many young people’s minds to actually get married. They can just be together, live together, sleep together, etc. and if that works for a lifetime fine, and if it doesn’t, they separate and don’t have any paperwork to do. Or maybe there are people out there who don’t even want what you would consider a “serious” relationship - let’s just keep this light and take it one day at a time. Very practical. But maybe there’s more to it than that. Maybe there’s better reasons to get married than to not. Maybe some people just don’t know them.

In my own marriage (7 years so far), some pretty amazing things have happened. When we first got married, I was incredibly selfish. I still tend that direction, truth be told, but I have become way less selfish. Being married to someone does that for you. My money is her money and vice versa. She eats my fries, I have to watch movies I don’t want to watch sometimes, I have to go places I don’t want to go, I have had to wait on her and a baby hand and foot for two weeks after my son was born. But I’ve learned how to be unselfish not only from the good example of my wife, but from being in the situation we’re in. You can’t have a successful marriage continuing on in your selfish ways. And likewise, the longer you are married, the more unselfish you can become. You gain this benefit because you are married. Some people would argue they can get the same thing from living together, but I don’t entirely agree. Living together and not being married still keeps a degree of separation. Her stuff is still her stuff, it’s just in the same place as yours. His money is still his money - often in a separate bank account. They’re continuing to be selfish, just in closer confines. And when there are kids, you have to learn an even higher level of unselfishness, with your sleep, with all the things your wife was never interested in but your kids can’t keep their hands off of, and even more so with your time. You have to sacrifice your wants and your fun times for time spent being a father/mother to your kids, and assisting your spouse when they need you (and even when they don’t).

And that degree of separation that people living together keep (not uniting ALL the way) can be a seed for distrust, and it keeps you from realizing God’s full plan for people. It says in Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” That’s something that people who don’t get married miss out on - they fail to become ONE with each other. They might be a really close two, but they never unite as one flesh. Because uniting as one flesh isn’t about sex - it’s about two souls becoming one. It’s something amazing and transforming that you just don’t get outside of marriage.

Now at this point, (I’m my own critic in my head) I can hear someone saying, but people can essentially DO all the things you’re talking about, but just not have the ceremony - so what’s the point of the formality of “getting married?” What’s so magical about that? Aren’t you just trying to get people to have a ceremony? Good question. 

I am not. And the main reason I am not is because I have seen some amazing wedding ceremonies, done in churches, and I KNEW at the time that the people probably weren’t going to enjoy marriage the way it was meant to be. The biggest thing about marriage is the all-in commitment. And I believe you can have an all-in commitment without having the ceremony (my logical side would allow for that to be a possibility) - but I would bet that it rarely happens in real life. Because people who won’t even go through a public ceremony proclaiming their life-long love likely aren’t all-in for the rest of it.

So you just become less selfish if you get married? No - way more than that. You begin to better understand relationships, which enables you to better help other people with theirs. My marriage has also rounded a lot of very sharp edges off of me - not because my wife demanded anything of me, but because I wanted to be a better person for her. Outside of marriage, your main focus is being who YOU want to be. In a marriage, you want to be better for someone other than yourself. And when you add kids, even more so the case.

When I was first married, I was an alcoholic, and I was lying about it to my family and to some extent even my wife. I had a very hot temper, often about stupid things like VCRs. But I was a very angry person and I couldn’t control my temper, and I had a way of hurting other people’s feelings often. I was selfish. I used quite a bit of colorful language.

Now, after 7 years, I have been completely sober for 5 years. (for the record, I have no problem with other people drinking - I just couldn’t control it myself, so I wanted to gain control again and that meant stopping completely) I still struggle with anger, but we have had many helpful conversations about it and it’s gotten a lot better. I haven’t had to talk to my boss about my temper in several years. And I make my wife cry a lot less. I am still learning more about controlling my anger through my interactions with my son. I am still a little bit selfish, but I let go of it a lot easier now. And in general I’m way less selfish. I love sharing my fries, and I look for things to do for my wife more often. My language isn’t perfect, but it’s less colorful and more under control. I think I do more building than tearing down with my words these days.

I think one of the biggest fallacies people think about marriage is that it’s rough at first and then it gets all ironed out and you are fine for the next 50 years. I don’t know about that. Definitely things that needed to be dealt with were ironed out early on for us. But we continue to have things come up - and they’re harder things to deal with than in the beginning. And they involve kids often times. I think marriage continues to be challenging your entire life, but the positive counterpart to this is that it refines you as a person your entire life.

Imagine a kid who wants to be a basketball player. In his younger years, he’s awkward and can’t hardly hit the rim with the ball. But as he grows, and develops coordination and strength - he keeps at it, and he gets better and better. He plays in high school and eventually college. College is more challenging than high school, but he has a better coach and he learns even more, now really getting into the big picture ideas, and running elaborate plays. He’s fully grown now, but new challenges await and there’s always more to learn. He is drafted and goes pro. Again, new and bigger challenges, tougher opposition, trades, lots of money to manage, players unions, etc. Again he learns new plays, even more strategy, and more about the game, becoming a better and better player. He eventually gets older, approaching 40. He plays the game with such finesse and relative ease now, you can tell he’s been doing this since forever. He’s so smooth and knows just where to be at all times. But the body is beginning to wear. 40 years of basketball has taken its toll, and he can’t run as hard as he used to, or jump as high. He retires, and begins assistant coaching. Now, on the other side of the game, he sees with new eyes and learns about managing personalities and shot clock management strategies. He learns how to teach the game he’s played his whole life. Eventually he becomes a head coach and has great success. He learns what it takes to train champions. He tries cutting edge defensive and offensive strategies, striving to innovate new ideas. Eventually the strain of head coaching becomes too much and he retires at the age of 70. But he’s not done yet. He’s learned SO much now, he can’t leave the game that’s been his whole life. He becomes sort of a personal coach to several up and coming star players, meeting with them once a week and helping them get extra inches on their verticals, and hit a higher percentage of three pointers. His expertise is rare now, and it’s valuable. There’s a lot less stress, but still challenges - trying to find ways to contribute without overdoing it, and trying to leave his legacy in the game by impressing values and philosophy on these young players he’s working with. Only death brings his life of challenges and learning and growth to an end.

This is how I see marriage. A long life of overcoming challenges, learning, struggling well, and growing. And helping others along the way as you learn. This is one of the biggest things that someone who never gets married misses out on. They probably won’t have that life-long opportunity to learn more and more, to love more and more, to give more and more, to become more and more.

Oswald Chambers once said, “If what we call love doesn’t take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love.”

Marriage is worth it. It’s worth the risk, it’s worth the fight, it’s worth the sacrifice, and our country (any country) would benefit from more people being willing to commit to marriage because society gains something in married folks that we don’t gain in people who remain single.

And my immediate reaction to reading that last statement is to be shocked that I would insinuate in any way that single people are somehow less valuable than married people. I was NOT trying to insinuate that, and I don’t believe it. Single people are incredibly valuable to society just as they are. Marriage isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Paul was an amazing single guy and proud of it. There’s room in this kingdom for all of us. And there are plenty of married people who never grow, never learn, and are worse bums than most single people. All I was trying to say is that in a marriage relationship, when you go all-in with another person, there is the opportunity for great things to happen, and those great things benefit the entire society. And I hope we will soon see an increase in people getting married once again. Because it was part of God’s plan, and God knows what He’s doing.

Tebow Time

I’m not gonna lie - I have absolutely loved what’s been going on with the Denver Broncos this season. A young guy who had been discounted as a loser last year is making an entire team believe they can do amazing things, and they are. I don’t think they’ve lost a game since Tim Tebow took over this year. And he is a good guy, always very humble, giving credit to the entire team whenever he gives press conferences.

I listen to a lot of sports talk radio, and he’s been a very hot topic this season. It used to be about how his style of play is unsustainable in “this league.” Then it was, well yeah he’s winning, but only in the 4th quarter - he’s not good enough to play an entire game well. And of course he’s criticized for running the ball more than throwing it. And there’s plenty more. And that’s fine - he’s very interesting and he’s getting a lot of attention for it.

And of course, if you follow sports at all, and especially if you’ve seen one of his games, you’ve seen him kneeling on the sideline, elbow to knee, forehead bowed on hand - saying quick prayers throughout the game, and pointing upwards when good things happen. When he was in college, playing for the Florida Gators, he used to wear those black things under his eyes and he’d put scriptures on them. It’s quite obvious to the world that Tim Tebow is a Christian.

And that is probably an even hotter topic than his style of play - once you leave the sports talk radio realm. I personally was worried about him being in the NFL, because I knew he’d be a “famous” Christian and anytime that’s the case, people will judge all of Christianity based on the famous person’s words and actions. Honestly, I have been very impressed with him so far. Yes he does the “Tebow” (the one knee thing that everyone emulates and pokes fun of), but that is fine with me, and I think it’s great he’s not ashamed to show his faith in public. I also think his words have been very impressive - always humble, always composed, and not saying anything ridiculous (like “God wants us to beat the Bears” or something like that).

However, there are other people around Tebow who are saying ridiculous things. I heard that his pastor (I know, it’s a rumor) said essentially “God is directly intervening in the Broncos games and helping them win.” I disagree with this and am sorry someone is representing God like that. God does not care what the outcome to a football game is, and He certainly doesn’t help a certain team win, or the converse - which would be that He dislikes another team and wants them to lose.

The more dangerous thing that we’re brushing up against in this Tim-Tebow-is-a-Christian-and-that-somehow-plays-into-his-winning mentality is a Christian supremacy worldview. Some people would have you believe that God likes Christians better than non-Christians, and thus shows them favor. This is a variant on the prosperity gospel idea. If you’re a Christian, God will take care of you monetarily - and your health and relationships too. If you become a Christian, you’ll have it made.

Where in the Bible does it promise any of that??

Hebrews 11 talks about people who were top performing Christians in that day who were sawn in half, beheaded, poor, shipwrecked, beaten, imprisoned, etc. Verse 39 actually says “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.”

What we gain when we become Christians - if we study the story of Job we know this - is God, and that is far better than anything else, like money, health, etc.
God loves EVERYONE, whether Christian or not. And one of His goals is to bless all people, and the privilege that Christians have is that we get to be a part of that blessing. We get to help bring about restoration and grace to those who need it. I may get sick with cancer and die. I might never have more than a cold. This changes nothing between me and God. God’s business is the eternal things - things that don’t disappear in heaven. The rest of this stuff, football games, wealth, etc. that goes away in that day - as Christians, let’s not try to decide what God’s personal opinion is on any of that. It’s not doing us or Him any favors.

I’m glad Tim is succeeding - because I like watching good football, not because he’s a Christian. I’m glad he’s a Christian - simply because I’m glad he is. And I really hope he can lead the Broncos to another epic victory over the Patriots this weekend!

A (possible) Hidden Truth Behind Unemployment

I’ve been listening on NPR to a lot of stories about people struggling with unemployment. My heart goes out to those people, and I pray about that situation in our nation regularly. It’s rough, and people are having to do desperate things to make ends meet, and sometimes that’s not even enough. In no way am I trying to take anything away from how rough things really are for people by what I’m about to say.

But it occurred to me that perhaps there was in some cases a hidden truth that I haven’t heard anyone addressing. It occurred to me this morning as I was listening to someone tell a story similar to mine. He said he’d been out of college for about 10 years (just like me), and he’d struggled to find a solid “career” and had bounced around from job to job (just like me). He voiced that he was having trouble getting hired partly because of his mottled job history, but he also said that he didn’t just want any old job, that he wanted to really provide for his family.

The story could be as simple as that, and probably is in his case. But I often wonder about what people really mean when they say things, and I couldn’t help but wonder if what he meant was that he was deeply in debt and wanted out, and a minimum wage job just wasn’t going to cut it. And fair enough if that’s true. But I connected to this guy’s story because 10 years out of college means something to those of us who are - we are either just finishing paying off our college tuition loans, or we’re not.

On top of that, he said that (like most of us back in 2001) he expected to graduate, get an entry level job and be working/living comfortably in the middle class by now. What I also wonder if that means is that he, like many people, got out of college, bought a new car and new house, was married within 3 years and starting to have kids. All done assuming things would continue onward and upward. The loans would all be paid off eventually. But then things got difficult, his career didn’t pan out and he never got that tenure and pay, and now the loans are weighing down and with unemployment the way it is, not only are you lucky to have a job, but the jobs that pay well are even more scarce. And that drives someone to a desperate spot - like this guy, who is going to leave his family in Seattle, and move to North Dakota to get a job working all kinds of hours and living in a trailer, just so he can support his family (and I believe the hidden part is to pay off huge loans that they owe on).

Now, just to be clear - I’m NOT trying to assume things about this guy’s life or to have an opinion on whether or not he’s done/doing the right things. But listening to it got me thinking about all the people I know, just like me, right in their early 30s now - who got out of college, saw a big, money filled world, and took out house and car loans on top of school loans and who are now in deep trouble for those decisions.

I am one of the fortunate ones I believe. I worked through college to alleviate some of the money I would owe at the end, and I have worked very hard to pay off those loans since then, forgoing buying a new house and car, so that I could put extra to those loans. I actually paid off my 4-year loans about 3 years early (7 years after I graduated). It wasn’t until 5 years after I left college that my wife and I bought a house. And we searched for literally a whole year so that we could find one in our financial range that we could afford, and we are SO glad we did. And we refinanced last year too, so our mortgage is in about as good a shape as it can be. We have owned used cars that I’ve purchased for about $2000 each that have done well (although it took a LOT of research and searching to find reliable ones).

This is a cautionary tale for all those who are coming out of college soon, or who are (like me) recently out of college and trying to make heads or tales out of the world in front of them. DON’T GO INTO HUGE DEBT RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE. It’s probably the worst decision you could make, and it will affect you the rest of your life. Read Dave Ramsey’s book The Total Money Makeover if you are in debt. It has been incredibly helpful to us. Just be careful, take your time, and think about the fact that you have no idea what the future will ACTUALLY bring, so make wise decisions now.

It’s already hard enough to get a job in this economy, when you finally do, you want to make sure it’s doing you financial good - and the more loans you have, the less likely that will be.

Continuing Thanks…

Although I’m probably moving slower than other people I know who are doing their quest towards listing out 1,000 gifts from God, I am still going with mine. I’m closing in on 300, which seems like a lot to me. Here are some recent blessings I’m thankful for that God has brought to us:

- For how insightful and helpful my wife’s questions are at times, that help me deal with stress better than I can on my own.

- a chance to tour an old farmhouse we used to live in when first married, and visit with the landowners, our good friends, again recently.

- a great family lunch last Saturday

- a quick and productive trip to the doctor on Sunday for my son - thankful for great health insurance and doctors

- having my son seek refuge in my arms when he’s in a big crowd and overwhelmed

- enjoying going to work every day at this time of my life

- our new bookshelves that I installed and how well they work/how much we like them

- getting the opportunity to sit with my wife and paint pottery together and enjoy a night out alone recently.

Don’t forget how important it is to daily stop and smell the roses. Don’t overlook all the blessings and neglect the thanks. It’s vital to really living.